Updated: Oct 19, 2021
I always tell my clients a relationship is made of two people never one. Its like two walls that is you and your partner holding up a roof that represents the relationship. If only one wall is working at holding up the relationship eventually that relationship or roof is going to collapse. You want to be with someone that allows you to grow and expand within the relationship and so just like with holding up the roof the two walls or two people with in the relationship need space between them. In order to make this work find someone who does things to help the relationship and brings into the relationship what is needed to thrive and continue to hold it all together.
Be with someone who resects you even when your not around. If the person in your life wants to be with you 24/7 this is a pretty good indicator something is wrong. Ask the person to allow you time to work on your needs (children, health, career friendships etc.) A healthy person will not have a problem with this request. An unhealthy person will begin to rage, accuse you of seeing others, threaten to end the relationship etc.)
Be with someone who will put down their phone for you. Someone who asks how your day was, or how you are feeling. Have conversations help each other problem solve life's challenges.
Be with someone who loves you and chooses to love you even when its not easy. Life can be really cruel at times. It may make us irrational or irritable. we can become exhausted with taking care of other people or become ill our selves. Be with the person that will stand by you, when their own needs may not be your only concern at the moment. Be with someone who understands it is not always about them.
Be with someone who can see past your smile. You want to be with someone who wants to know you more than skin deep. Not just for your looks or materialistic things you have to offer. Beauty fades and things can be striped away. But who we are endures time and change.
Be with someone who is willing to work through problems. If you are in a relationship long enough there is bound to be problems. Be with the person you can openly and safely discuss theses problems with out fear of rejection. Problems come and go but you want to be in a relationship that withstands the tests of time.
Be with someone that chooses you. There is always temptation. We cannot get away from it. A better lifestyle a newer model but you want to be with the person that chooses you over every temptation that comes along.
Be with someone you can share goals and dreams with. Their is nothing like common goals and dreams to bring two people together and gives them a common purpose. You can conquer together.
Be with someone who is compassionate, accepting and forgiving. You will not always be perfect. People make mistakes that's how we grow. We need to feel accepted in order to grow completely and we need forgiveness to move forward. Be with a person compassionate and mature enough to provide this environment.
Be with someone who has a sense of humor.
Long term commitments endure so much. Without two emotionally intelligent people who have the maturity to be compassionate and forgiving the relationship is doomed. We all face hardships and we need someone strong to lean on. Invest your heart wisely, so that when hard times do come knocking, you know who is standing beside you.