Updated: Nov 30
Not only are they in a rush to love-bomb you into a whirlwind relationship but you may have noticed marriage becomes an early topic of discussion as well. Not only do they have a string of crazy ex's but they are eager to commit again. You may be asking why would a person who has no ability to attach and sustain long term commitments want to jump into marriage?
The only thing that differentiates other people from objects is the ability to feel empathy. A narcissist does not have this ability. Therefore, you have now become their possession or their property. With marriage you enter into a legal contract making it hard for you to leave.
Marriage is supposed to be a contract for life although the narcissist will not own up to his part of the deal. He will have supply on the side and eventually begin to pursue his next conquest.
James this site poster child for narcissism, continually cheated on his wife of 20 years, and tried to marry the first couple of woman he dated immediately after his divorce. James did not take the time to know these woman he just wanted to trap his next possession.
*Remember narcissists cannot sustain long term positive change it is one of the hallmark characteristics of a personality disorder and marriage is long term.
Traps the victim
Narcissists need that constant supply and when the victim makes a pledge for life in front of friends and family its hard for them to up and divorce due to the narcs bad behavior. The narcissists like having the security of having a constant source of trapped supply while he is out playing the field.
Rules of a double standard
Marriage vows are a great tool to control and manipulate. Vowing obedience commitment and fidelity but only for the victim. This is a double standard for the narcissist. The rules only apply to their spouse. This gives that narc an advantage to control and manipulate their spouses behavior while they have no accountability to the same vows they themselves have took.
Although all narcissist's only marry for convenience the question becomes what is convenient about their prey. Are they rich, vulnerable, attractive, younger, status etc. Narcissists are users.
James used Ann to get a down payment for a home, and mooched off her by living rent free so he didn't have to live with his dad among other things.
Narcissist's have very frail egos although they try to betray themselves as strong and confident they are lacking immensely. The people in their lives are simply a means to an end.
Narcissist are unable to sustain long term positive change so long term commitment is out of the question. They are unable to bond with others therefore love is never involved. Their only ability is to pretend to love you to get what they need (i.e. supply, money, friends etc.)
It is so important not to blindly trust and to never rush into relationships. It takes time to know a person and love does not happen at first sight. This is a lie we tell ourselves. If its meant to be we don't have to rush. You are worth the wait!