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What is a narcissist?

Updated: Oct 19, 2021

Narcissism is a personality trait that most of us have. The trait is measured on a spectrum so you can have too little or too much of the narcissistic trait. Most of us fall in the middle of the spectrum and therefore, have a healthy amount of narcissism. For the purpose of this article we will be talking about the person who has too much of the narcissistic trait resulting in narcissistic personality disorder.

You may be surprised to hear that NPD is the least commonly given diagnosis out of all ten personality disorders. Only 1% of the general population has NPD. So why are we always hearing about and reading about the narcissists. The word narcissist comes from a Greek mythological figure named Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water and stared at his reflection until his death. Narcissism is a fixation on oneself with the constant need for adoration and admiration and the inability to empathize with others.

Because narcissism is a part of a cluster of personality disorders that share the same characteristics and trait of NPD, it has become an umbrella term in pop culture and pop psychology for all cluster B personality disorders. These disorders include NPD, antisocial personality disorder, psychopath, sociopath, borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder.

These traits include

  • Lack of self awareness

  • Project their own negative qualities on others because they lack self awareness

  • Pervasive and enduring patterns throughout their lives and never coming to the conclusion that it is their own behaviors that cause the negative consequences.

  • Strained relationships with family members, children, co-workers, romantic partners.

  • Have a hard time trusting

  • Not having many friends, if any at all

  • They have very dichotomized behavior, such as idealizing and devaluing and saying one thing but doing another.

How do they become this way?

It is estimated that 75% of our personality is inherited and for the disordered person it is even higher. So for the people who try to make these relationships work you will only find yourself exhausted and ignoring your own needs. You will most likely blame yourself for the demise of your relationship with them because they have been blaming you all along. The truth is they where broke when you found them. The best time to see the light is now.

James a cluster B personality disordered man's mother admits she does not attach or form bonds with people. Not forming bonds is a narcissistic trait. Everyone of the men on James mothers side of the family had been incarcerated. Being in trouble with the law is also a trait of psychopath. James himself has had two orders of protection issued against him for soliciting people to kill his wife and threatening to kill himself in front of his daughter.

From looking at just a little bit of James history we can see that the family clearly has the genetics for a low empathy, callous disordered personality.

Now not 100% of James personality is genetic. The other 25% is determined by environment. So lets add in that James says he was known as the "golden-child". Ah yes, now this explains the grandiosity, need for adoration and entitlement even more, now doesn't it?

Narcissists are arrogant they view themselves as entitled, they view others as their subjects, they view the world as their kingdom they deal with others by devaluing them and come across as arrogant. James brother described him best. He said "He thinks he is the alpha male".

If you pay attention you will see that they are really very insecure. They are competitive but sore loser's. If their entitlement is challenged they will rage against you.

James had a narrative about an aggressive dog. He wanted to believe the dog was not aggressive and he wanted his narrative to be told. One day without hearing his mothers comment through about the dog James assumed she was about to say something negative that would challenge his sugar coated story. James immediately flew into a rage and hung up on his mother.

The bottom line is these people whether they are narcissists, psychopath or however you want to label them will hurt you. You can count on it!

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