The dating world can be very scary theses days, especially if you have become all too familiar with the red flags of dating. And if you have dated and ignored the red flags you are most likely hesitant to get back out there and give your heart away again. So now that you have familiarized yourself with what the red flags look like, lets look at some dating green flags. Who is a potentially safe partner? What are qualities that lead you to want to invest in another date?
1.Someone who apologizes when they are wrong.
Avoid people who lack self awareness. We are all wrong from time to time and its okay to admit it. If we cannot admit we make mistakes we are unable to prevent ourselves from making them again. People who cannot admit they are wrong will either keep repeating the negative behavior or blame you.
2.Make sure what they are saying and their behavior match
Watch out for double standards. If they expect you to behave a certain way they should be doing the same.
3. They support your connections with others (friends, family, community)
If a person acts like you cannot be trusted to foster relationships outside the relationship you have with them, they are most likely the ones who cannot be trusted. Be with someone who is happy to see you form healthy supportive connections you can count on in their absence. A healthy person will be interested in your well being and will not keep you from family and friends.
4. They talk about ex-partners with respect.
Be careful what a person says about their ex's because soon they may be saying the same about you. If you meet someone who has a list of crazy ex's they themselves may be be the problem and not the ex-partners.
5. They communicate clearly and honestly.
If you are feeling confused or unsure of where you stand with that person its probably not a good sign. If a person communicates clearly and honestly you shouldn't be guessing how they feel about you.
6. They honor, respect and set boundaries.
If you are doing 24/7 with a person and ask them to get back to a normal schedule they should respect that. If they start raging, accusing or texting you 40 times a day, they do not honor your boundaries.
7. They intentionally try to resolve conflict.
It takes two people to make a relationship work. Both people have to be able to be willing to work on conflict. Making intentional changes to make the the relationship work for each of your needs,
8. They are actively working on their personal growth and healing.
Working on personal growth and active healing are strengths. If a person has self awareness they can sustain positive change in their lives. It takes away the pathological loop of love bombing, honeymoon phase, bad event and back to love bombing. It makes for a drama free relationship where you can grow together instead of apart.
9. Their goals for the relationship are compatible with yours.
Its important to discuss goals and expectations for the type of relationship you want to invest in. Knowing what you expect and whether or not the other person is able to provide for your wants and needs will prevent future heart break. Recently I handed out a relationship expectation inventory to a group of married woman. Every one of the woman realized their expectations of a relationship where not being met at all. I bet they wish they had this advice when they were dating.
10. You feel seen, heard and appreciated.
Most importantly, whether you agree or disagree, you always have the right to feel seen, heard and appreciated. It okay not to see eye to eye all the time, but you should always feel safe in your differences. If you are not appreciated your motivation to keep pleasing your partner will diminish and cause further distance between you.